Anything Lime

Hair pulling and eye gouging allowed

Me: “Choosing wedding ceremony music. What is that song that goes, ‘Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun duh dun duh duh de duh dun du de da dun dun dun.’ Can’t find it anywhere. GOSH!”

Willo: “Name that tune! Is it Hail to the Chief?”

Me: “Well, I’m no Magic 8 ball, but all signs point to no.”

Willo: “So have you picked out all your bridesmaids?”

Me: “I’m doing something a little different. I’m selecting twice the number that I am actually going to have, and I am going to arrange an American Gladiators-type competition.”

Willo: “Sweet. That sounds like marketing gold. Pitch that to a TV network. …Well…Fox. Pitch it to Fox.”

Me: “No need for pitching. This has Reality Television FRESH MEAT written all over it. And think about the attention I’d get when the girls engage in a wedding gown ‘fluff off!’ Or when the black eyes arise from a game called, ‘Catch the bouquet…IF YOU DARE!’ The ratings are soaring just thinking about this.”

Willo: “One of these bouquets is the real one, the rest will send a strong electrical shock through your body.”

Me: “YES.”

Willo: “So do they do all the competitions in the dresses?”

Me: “No, there will be a ‘dress ceremony’ at the end of each show. The contestant who doesn’t get a dress must immediately return to her room, pack her belongings and leave. That, or a game of ‘musical dresses.’ I haven’t decided.”

Willo: “So is the winner maid of honor and the runners up bridesmaids? Can we add in a random washed-up C-list celebrity to the mix? What’s the girl who played Alex Mack been up to lately?”

Me: “I love your interest in this. Mostly the part when you said, ‘we.'”

Willo: “My interest is solely in selling the idea to Fox. And meeting the Alex Mack chick. But I was using the sports fan ‘we,’ as in, ‘WE just kicked the Dodgers’ butts.'”

Me: “So, all that’s left is the name.”

Willo: “BridesMADE.”


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