Anything Lime

A bit of catching up

Dear Joe Reader,

How have you been my long lost friend? I’ve been well. Please, let me go on.

Today at work I was praised for a project I began months ago. I’d gotten so wrapped up in so many long-term projects that I’d begun to believe there wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel, I didn’t need to hear praise anymore. The head of my department came to me directly to thank me for a job well done and to congratulate me on a successful completion of the project. I felt a great amount of satisfaction in hearing him, and I couldn’t imagine my job going better than it has been lately. I’ve even decided that I like my new cubicle. I went from hating it to tolerating it to finding it quite cozy. It’s grown on me like mold on the loaf of bread on top of my refrigerator.

Before Patrick left for his two-week trip, I went with him to a lesson with his golf instructor. Even though I know next to nothing about golf, I am always impressed with the improvement of Patrick’s swing. He moves with so much grace that it captivates me. When I watch him, it takes my breath away because it’s a reminder of the hard work he does every single day. Work he does for us and for our life together. When I think about it like that, it’s hard to watch him swing and not have it take my breath away.

It was sad to watch Patrick leave on another two-week trip. But each time I send him on his way, I feel overwhelmed with anticipation. Will THIS be the time? His time? Our time?

My mom had a pretty major surgery about three weeks ago, and shortly after, my sister followed suit. Two women, two surgeries. Two giant things for me to worry about. This, among other things, might be the cause of my heightened anxiety as of late. I’m sad I can’t be there for my family when they’re in need of help. Even more, I’m sad I can’t be there with them all the time.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and maybe it’s because I’ve been so bogged down with all my thoughts that I can’t clearly write anything. I’ve been swamped at work, lonely at home and spending too much time trying to fix other people’s problems.

There are so many things I feel when I go a week without blogging. Mostly, I feel guilty. I started this blog as a way to begin chronicling my life. When something monumental happens to me, I write about it as a way to freeze that moment in time, to capture it forever.

What I have gotten out of this has been much more. I’ve started developing relationships with people who have really gotten to know me by reading my words on this site. Maybe even more satisfying, I’ve gotten to know me better.

I went browsing through my very first blog posts today, and I was able to look back at things that I might not have remembered or appreciated if I hadn’t taken the time to write them down. Sharing my stories allows me to see the humor in my life.

I found out a few days ago that my sister is pregnant. Not the one who has been trying to have a baby, but the one who is somewhat lost in her life and has found herself in a position that is well beyond her years. Maybe I’ve been thinking too much about these things, knowing that I didn’t really want to blog about them. Maybe that’s what’s kept me away.

But Reader, I assure you, my love for you is genuine despite my absence as of late. I like knowing that I can share my feelings and you might be the kind of reader who sends me a nice note or maybe even some hate mail.

Yesterday evening while I was playing with Kya, we lost her ball in the park. I looked for 30 minutes, then was convinced that all the slobber had made it so heavy that the sheer weight of drool caused it to sink through the ground to the center of the earth. There’s no other explanation. It’s just a ball, but for some reason, I haven’t been able to get over it. I am upset and saddened by it. C’mon, crazy! It’s just a freakin ball!

But maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m harboring this sadness because I don’t like losing things that bring joy to my life. This is one more thing I wasn’t able to control. So I came inside and scrubbed the bathtub with my toothbrush.

I am hopeful. I am hopeful that better things are to come, my cube will become more comfy, my boss will give me more praise and my sister will grow up. I don’t think I’ll find Kya’s ball, what with the landscapers mowing today and all, but I am hopeful that good things are headed my way.

Thanks, Reader, for listening.




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