Anything Lime

The equivalent of spending $15,000 on a dress. And wearing it to Walmart

It was a normal Tuesday evening drive home from work as I made the left turn out of my work parking lot. I pulled up behind the weirdest looking vehicle I’d ever seen. It was, by far, the tallest sedan known to mankind, with the top towering above a nearby Dodge Ram. It’s sleek black paint job was as shiny and smooth looking as a beautiful wild stallion. But don’t for one minute think that I liked it. It was an eyesore, and such obnoxious cars have always annoyed me.

If you’re a person who happens to have such an obscene amount of money that you are looking to by an outrageously expensive car, buy a Saab and donate the rest to charity. You’re driving on the same road as everyone else. You go over the same potholes, sit at the same red lights, collect the same bugs on your windshield. Not much different than sliding on a pair of magical glass slippers and prancing around in the mud. Pompous and wasteful.

Got close enough to see the RR on the back. Figures. I can imagine him walking into the dealership. “What I lack in manhood, I make up for in money. I’d like a car that draws attention to me, regardless of how ugly it might be. There’s no shame in overcompensation. Or arrogance on wheels. Really, I insist.”

Just for fun, I did a search for “Ugly Rolls Royce,” and my friend from the road appeared. Here he is, smiling away with a grill I can only assume he ripped off from Nas.

Dear driver of this excessive and over-the-top car, may we never meet again. And may I never EVER rear end you with my Jetta, which doesn’t cost millions of dollars. Oh, and if you’re ever shopping on Park Ave, don’t parallel park. You just never can trust people. I’d hate for you to have to pay $43,000 to repair a ding.


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