Anything Lime



The first rule of Water Club: You do not talk about Water Club

Heading out of the office on my first day at the new job, I stopped at the water cooler just outside my cube. I bring my own water every day. In fact, it’s become one of the major truths in my life that water from my Pur filter is the best tasting water in the world. So why would I stray from that?

It just so happens that I was particularly thirsty on Tuesday, so when I popped a vitamin in my mouth and realized I had no water left in my cup, I had no choice but to use the water cooler.

Wednesday morning I (coincidentally) got an e-mail from the woman who is in charge of the “Water Club,” and only club members are permitted to use the water cooler. She said “You’ve probably noticed the water cooler outside of your cube.” Which, of course, is some kind of club code for “You were not permitted to drink from the water cooler, and you drank from the water cooler.”

After I agreed to join (for the bargain price of $3.50 per month), she assured me that she would tell the others, who apparently scout out to see who is illegally consuming the water.

No, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s NOT the fountain of youth. That’s in the zone across the street.

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Comments

  1. * lovesbug says:

    Maybe that’s why you have been “let go,” according to office gossip.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  2. * Ash says:

    what the hell? I would have kicked her ass. You should be able to drink the water, and it shouldn’t matter who pays and who doesn’t! Doesn’t your company pay for that anyway?

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  3. * Aimee says:

    If I were you, I would be getting my $3.50’s worth by drinking as much water from the water cooler as humanly possible. Take that fucking Water Club.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  4. * Tim says:

    (bounced over here from Allison’s blog)

    Wow. The Water Club. I’m in shock, not so much because such a thing would exist, but by the clearly hawk-like monitoring the members engage in to guard their precious supply.

    What an amazing difference between that and me buying a new jar of peanut butter for a co-worker because I’d been periodically using some of her stash. When she saw the new jar and found out I’d bought it, she laughed and said, “Good gosh. I’m not petty enough to worry about that.”

    As much as I get frustrated by stuff in my office, I’m thankful this morning that I don’t have to worry about joining the “Water Club,” the “String Cheese Club,” or the “Jif w/ Peanuts and Not that Wimpy Smooth Kind: Peanut Butter Club.” I have more interesting things to do, like buying Q-Tips. – Tim

    P.S. Have you considered bringing in water from your Pur system, putting it in some kind of table-top dispenser, and labeling it “Free For Non-Club Members”? You might become instantly famous in your office.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  5. * Megan says:

    Seriously, that sounds like an episode from “The Office”. I can’t believe such things exist!!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  6. * boomingemu says:

    $3.50 is a big time rip-off! I would follow the money trail…I bet it ends up going to pampered chef get-togethers or whatever office women are up to these days.

    I recommend ceasing payment and doing one or more of the following:

    1. Bring your PUR or Brita pitcher thing to work and continuously fill it up from the cooler. When one of the “members” asks if you have been drinking water from the cooler, say “Oh, no…I only drink from my filtered pitcher here.”

    2. When asked “You’ve probably noticed the cooler outside your cube?”, reply with a smile “No, I haven’t. Isn’t that weird? I guess sometimes things just seems to blend in to your surroundings!” Then on your way back to your cube, fill up your glass from the cooler.

    3. Put a few goldfish in the cooler and then casually say “Hey, you’ve probably noticed the aquarium outside my cube…”

    4. Install second cooler. Send out mass-email advertising $2.50 introductory rate.

    5. Start calling the water club “Camel Whores”

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago
  7. * samueltolmanmills says:

    I would slip a powerful laxative into the tank, sit back, and wait.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 3 months ago


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