Anything Lime

“In this corner, weighing in at 105 lbs, the world champion, KYA! And in that corner, her challenger, a pile of diarrhea!”

For the second time in a month, Kya has contracted some sort of explosive disease that fills her insides with toxic sludge. She kept us up all night last night, frantically pacing around the apartment trying her hardest to hold it in. We’d get up, and she’d sprint to the door and bolt outside into the grass.

The only thing I can think that is making this happen is that she’s picking up something harmful while she’s outside. We’re careful to watch her diet, and we don’t feed her anything from the table, anything with any preservatives or anything with artificial additives. We don’t let her swim in any retention ponds or drink reclaimed water. And as for those tiny packets that come inside shoe boxes that say “DO NOT CONSUME!!! OR ELSE YOUR LIVER WILL EXPLODE! AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL LOOK LIKE MONKEYS! Yeah, she’s only eaten maybe two of those, so I don’t think it’s that, either.

We’ve racked our brains and have figured that the only thing it can be is something that is sprayed on the ground to keep the bugs away. She frequently lies down on the ground or picks up sticks to chew while we’re frolicking around our complex.

And if it’s not a pesticide issue, we can always rule in my first thought, which was that all of the sticks on the planet are infested with bacteria.

I can’t wait to find out what my neighbors are saying about me when I take a stick off the ground and spray it with Clorox Anywhere Spray before surrendering it to Kya’s drooling face. It seems my compulsions driven by fear of bacteria are taking over my life.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: