Anything Lime

I’m the only one around here allowed to hoard chocolate

A coworker of mine strolled over to my desk this morning chewing on a candy bar. Immediately I attacked her, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!

Only on the rarest of occasions is there chocolate in our office lobby. In fact, since I’ve started this job, I’ve spotted more UFO’s than I have Snickers bars in the candy tray. Our receptionist tends to fill the dish with candy no one likes in an attempt to make it last longer. So every day I pass the front desk and think about how all of those pieces of candy are the worthless rejects of the candy world and how children who get candy like that for Halloween don’t eat it until December. And that’s because all of the other candy, cookies, Kudos bars, fruit snacks, Doritos and other food items are completely gone. And even though they eat them, they don’t enjoy them.

So when I saw the fun size chocolate bar, I knew that it must be one of those blue-moon occasions where there was actually a chance I could get the receptionist to fork over one more piece of chocolate.

It’s strange, too, because whenever she calls in sick (like she’s done seven of the last 10 business days) the temporary replacement always puts out chocolate. And those are the days when I can’t help but sing loudly as I gallop around the building.

I went to her today and was standing by her desk for a few minutes waiting for her to finish her conversation with someone else in the lobby.

“Do you want chocolate too?” she asked me. No, she’s not a mind reader, she’s just paranoid that everyone who approaches her desk is there to attack her and steal her chocolate.

“Yes please,” I said.

“What kind do you want?” She asked, with a firm two-hand grip on the enormous bag of mixed treats.

“I’ll take a Kit-Kat, please.”

Only after my candy was safely in my hands did I attempt to make a passive-aggressive, snide remark.

“So, we don’t keep the chocolate out where everyone can have it?”

“NO!” she snapped, matter-of-factly. “Then it would be gone in one day!”

“Right…ok then,” I said as I walked away, a little mad, but mostly jealous that she had that entire bag of chocolate to herself and wasn’t sharing. No matter what I could have said, it wouldn’t change the fact that she controls the office chocolate. She had earned herself a spot at the top of my “People I’d love to Smack” list.

I’ll get you next time Gadget choco-hoarding receptionist! NEXT TIME!!! MUUUUAAAHHAHAHA


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  1. * Allison says:

    I stumbled across your blog via Tag Surfer and wanted to let you know that, as an avowed chocoholic, I greatly enjoyed this post. Though I must admit, I do hide a chocolate stash in my desk, but will share on special occasions (like when one of my co-workers fell down stairs and hurt her hip).

    P.S. My husband is a Ball State alum as well.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 2 months ago

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