Anything Lime

After a week of intense conching…

It’s been a few days since my last entry. There are a few reasons, but the biggest is the need I have to ponder situations in my life before deciding exactly how I’m going to share them.

My thoughts require hours, sometimes days of processing before they’re released to the world like fine chocolates after decades of conching. Yes, conching. Lots of conching. Endless conching. It’s my processing stage.

My partner at work was released from the company one week ago today. People are only fired on Fridays because it causes less of a commotion. Yes, that strange theory from the movie “Office Space” is true. His position was eliminated, which is corporate talk for “We forgot to keep track of how many people we’ve hired in the last month, and one of our recent hires has replaced you. We know you’ve been with the company longer, are a hard worker and a team player, you always come early and stay late and you are possibly the nicest man to walk the face of the planet since Jesus. Here, enjoy this mediocre severance package.”

Welcome to corporate America.

I did my best to guard his cube and even drafted up a plan in order to keep outsiders out. I designed a series of booby traps out of all the things I could find in the office supplies closet. I didn’t even want people to touch the walls of the empty cube. I would yell things like, “Get away from there before I whack your face with this Swingline three-hole punch!”

I took a much-needed vacation from work to spend time with some family visiting from out of town. Upon my return I saw the worst thing imaginable. Someone had moved into his cube. I don’t talk to him. In fact, we have no interaction at all except for my occasional hurling of paperweights in his direction.

Here’s to you, P-Rock. Miss you buddy.


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