Anything Lime

Parking Lot Showdown

I changed my mind. No longer is my biggest pet peeve when people spit on paved surfaces. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that more than most people are capable of hating. The mere sound of it is enough to make me rip out my tendons and strangle myself with them. But believe it or not, there’s something that annoys me more than nasty skeezballs hocking projectile spit wads onto the sidewalk.

Tonight Patrick and I took Kya with us over to dinner and movie night with some of our friends. She was wonderful, as usual, and we all had a great time catching up. When the evening began to wind down, we packed up our things and headed back home. We met a heinous person in the parking lot on the way from the car to the apartment. No, Kya wasn’t on a leash, but it was almost midnight and we only had about 40 steps between the car and the apartment. We didn’t think it was the end of the world to have our dog walk leash-less for a few short seconds.

But some spazz definitely felt otherwise. Kya turned to her and showed her a big smile. The kind of smile only a big, goofy, droopy, drooly, over-sized dog has. A smile that apparently offended this bra-less wonder checking her mail at midnight. With her ears perked up and her tail a-waggin’ Kya took a few trotting steps toward this disheveled woman. (I guess Kya wasn’t close enough to smell the stench of evil leaking out of this woman’s pores.)

“AAAAAH!” she screamed with a melodramatic leap 10 feet to the left. Oh please, get over it. Who was she screaming for anyway? Even if my dog had intended to yank off her arm and play fetch with it, there’s no one around here on a Friday night to help this woman. “Get your dog! I hate big dogs!” She said to me as she shot me one of the coldest looks a person could make. I know because I, too, happen to specialize in such looks. I shot her one out of my own arsenal while I envisioned a tiny dog viciously extracting her uterus while she was asleep to prevent her from procreating.

Kya, Patrick and I strutted away from her — all of our steps in sync like something out of a Boys II Men music video. I say we won this battle. But I have to admit, it is a little unsatisfying to know that I immediately came in here and blogged about her, which means she stuck with me. She probably turned her bitch ass back to her apartment and forgot all about me and my big dog.

Honestly, it did upset me. People are never gasping and jumping away from really big people. I would never say, “No, dude, I am not going to be able to come to your house tonight to watch the game. Your dad’s gonna be there, and he’s just too fricken big, man. And I don’t like it.”

I was so pissed at the situation that I was secretly hoping Kya WOULD attack her. I’ve never seen a dog rip off a human leg, so it would have been an educational experience for me. Also, it would be the most suitable limb for me to use to smash her ignorant, smack-talking face.

Yes. I think I’d enjoy that very much.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. I Admit It…Your Dog ISN’T The ONLY Small Dog I Like « Anything Lime pingbacked on 10 years, 3 months ago


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