Anything Lime

And Then… Ahh… a Revelation

Sitting at a stoplight, jamming out to Soulja Boy and putting out some of my ultimate behind-the-wheel dance moves, I was biding my time during the awful traffic of my evening commute. Making the most out of what was otherwise an uneventful day, I was really getting into this hypnotic dance. My (not) tinted (enough) windows only protect so much from (the other cars wondering what the hell I’m doing and) the glaring Florida sun aka the concentrated death ray pointed directly at me. And it always seems that no matter which way I’m headed, I’m driving directly into it. Yesterday the sun was a kind of overwhelming that makes a blue-eyed driver like moi fall onto my special-edition floor mats and writhe while I bleed from the retinas.

My eyes were bubbling on the edge of eruption when something magnificent and awesome and delightfully wonderful happened. A giant vehicle pulled up next to me and the sun disappeared. Disappeared you ask? Yes. absolutely disappeared. It was as if God himself knelt down and placed his hand above my brow to guard my eyes.

Whoah, can it be? Is it true that I’ve actually crossed the line and admitted that ginormously oversized SUV’s do actually serve a purpose? Can it be that I can set aside my pure and utter hatred for these environmentally-unfriendly machines merely because one of them managed to save me just minutes before my eyeballs spontaneously combusted?

The answer is yes. Why does it matter if we are running low on non-replenishable fossil feuls and these vehicles are highly inefficient? So what if I have to raise my children in a world where vehicles run only on endangered species of the rainforest? The point is, this guy did me a favor. A selfless good deed. He drives that car because it helps other drivers, and for that I am truly thankful.

So I salute you, driver of unparkable/unturnable and nearly undrivable vehicle. May you always be the answer to an unbelievably bright sky.

Thank you, my gas guzzling friend, for giving me an experience that has allowed me to set aside my hostility and for once in my life appreciate a bohemith like you.


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  1. * samueltolmanmills says:

    Again, hilarious.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 4 months ago

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